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Ratings and reviews for How To Win Friends and Influence People

Ratings and reviews for How To Win Friends and Influence People
4.6
based on 880 rating(s)
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Price: $11.99 $10.79 (10% off)
Trade In Value: $1.55
Author(s): Dale Carnegie
Release Date: 11/3/2009
Binding: Hardcover
Number of Pages: 320
Studio: Simon & Schuster
Manufacturer: Simon & Schuster
Dewey Decimal Number: 158.1
Product Group: Book
Edition: Reissue
Sales Rank: 710
Description:

You can go after the job you want—and get it!

You can take the job you have—and improve it!

You can take any situation—and make it work for you!

Dale Carnegie’s rock-solid, time-tested advice has carried countless people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives. One of the most groundbreaking and timeless bestsellers of all time, How to Win Friends & Influence People will teach you:

-Six ways to make people like you

-Twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking

-Nine ways to change people without arousing resentment

And much more! Achieve your maximum potential—a must-read for the twenty-first century with more than 15 million copies sold!

ISBN: 1439167346
UPC: 1439167346

Ratings
Reviews 1 to 10 of 880
Pageof 88
amazon logo Common sense advice, but beware the unwritten chapter
I won't waste your time with a rundown of what "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is about. With over 400 reviews on Amazon, with over 15 million copies sold, and with a very self-explanatory title, I think you all get it. For the rare person who may not know what this book is about, here's a succinct description: in 1930s vernacular prose, Dale Carnegie explains that by appealing to the other person's highest ideals, remembering the other person's name, letting the other person do most of the talking, speaking in terms of the other person's interests, allowing the other to save face, by "throwing down a challenge," etc., you can make a friend out of just about anyone.

The advice is largely sound, but I think the reader should keep in mind the context within which this book was written. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was written in the 1930's and intended primarily as a companion book to Dale Carnegie's classes on how to be a good salesman. In other words, these techniques work very well in the context of sales and public relations, i.e., in relationships that are not expected to be deep and/or long-lasting. I wouldn't recommend using these techniques on close personal friends. Doing so may make a person come across as a bit "plastic."

Also, there is one major point that I think needs to be remembered, but unfortunately is nowhere to be found in "How to Win Friends and Influence People." During my research of Dale Carnegie's techniques, I came across what I believe may be the only biography available about him: Dale Carnegie: The Man Who Influenced Millions by Giles Kemp and Edward Claflin. This book reveals many interesting things, such as the fact that Dale Carnegie grew up poor; he lost part of his left index finger when he was a child; he often broke many of the tenets set forth in this book, often forgetting others' names, often arguing with others, etc. But what I found most interesting was that the last chapter of "How to Win Friends" was to describe those individuals with whom none of Dale Carnegie's techniques work. In this unpublished chapter, Carnegie wrote that there were some people with whom it was impossible to get along. You either needed to divorce such people, "knock them down," or sue them in court.

Why is that chapter absent from this book, you ask? Well, Dale Carnegie was in the middle of writing this chapter when he was offered a trip to Europe, and rather than complete this last chapter he decided to take the trip. The uncompleted book was sent off to publishers, and Carnegie shipped off to Europe.

Giles Kemp and Edward Claflin say that given the optimistic tone of the rest of "How to Win Friends," the European trip was perhaps the better choice. Reconciling the the unwritten chapter with the rest of this optimistic book would've been nearly impossible, they say.

Anyway, I think that this unpublished chapter is important to keep in mind. I had to learn the hard way that the unpublished chapter is very true. There are some people with whom it is impossible to get along. When you meet up with such people, and believe me you will, don't think that you've failed the Carnegie techniques. Instead, remind yourself that you are experiencing exactly what Carnegie describes in that pragmatic, unpublished chapter. And then quickly move on to the nicer people!

Andrew Olivo
649 of 674 people found this review helpful.
amazon logo Timeless Advice
His advice is so obvious and so easy, so how come it's so difficult to do yourself and so rarely found in others? Is it cynicism or manipulation? No, it's human nature: Do Unto Others ...

THE FUNDAMENTALS

? "Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone."
People react very badly to criticism; don't do it, not to their face nor behind their back ... especially not behind their back.

? Say "Thank You".
Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.

? Talk about what people want and help them get it.
"Arouse in others an eager want."
Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they'll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.

WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

? Be happy to see people.
Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.

? Smile!

? Remembers peoples' names!!
Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person's name sounds beautiful to them.

? Draw people out.
Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.

? Actively research the other person's interests.

? Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.
Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.

WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

? Don't argue!
Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren't, you'll never convince them of it by arguing.

? Don't ever tell a person they're wrong.
They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder still to admit it to others.

? If you know you're wrong, admit it.
Openly and freely admit whenever you're wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you're wrong even of you think you aren't.

? Friendliness begets friendliness.
Always begin that way. Don't accuse.

? Never neglect a kindness.
Look for ways to do or say something nice.

? Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.
When a person has said "no" it's hard to get them to change even if they know they're wrong.

? Let the other person do most of the talking.
Listen patiently and don't interrupt. Let your friends be better than you.

? Let people come to your conclusions.
First, tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you. People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you as long as they came up with them on their own.

? Think always in terms of the other person's point of view.
Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they're sitting.

? ? of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.
Give it to them and they will love you.

? A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

? Dramatize your ideas.
"Don't use logic; tell stories." Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don't know until you show them what you mean.

? Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition).

BE A LEADER

? Don't go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You'll always get a negative reaction.

? Change "but" into "and".
Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn.

? Ask questions rather than giving orders.

? Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity.

? People crave recognition: praise the smallest improvement and praise every improvement.

? Treat people as though they had the virtues you wished they possessed.
Give them a reputation to live up to and they will work like crazy to live up to it.

? Praise the good; minimize the bad: encourage.
Make achievement seem possible. Take and encourage little baby steps. Seek out even the most insignificant of successes.

? Napoleon: I could conquer the world if only I had enough ribbon.

351 of 372 people found this review helpful.
amazon logo This book is now obsolete.
"Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automation, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain...he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality..." As I can validate with the man who recommended this book to me, this observation by Erich Fromm is 100% on target with "Win Friends and Influence People".

This man, who practiced this book, presented himself as superficial, artificial, irregular, and consequently very annoying. He proved to me that these techniques do not facilitate communication- they stifle it. Instead of being direct, this man would only have the courage to give hints or make indirect statements in the form of questions. If I would attempt to explain something to him he didn't understand, he would immediately light up and go, "Oh! I see what you mean buddy." In my head I would think 'You couldn't possibly understand- I didn't even start explaining!' But that's how this "Win Friends" philosphy made him- he's not willing to go through any difficulty at all to understand and communicate with others.

The techniques in this book basically converted this man into a robot. Nobody really knows what kinds of things he's interested in - although at first you think his interests have a lot in common with yours. The man has no sincerity or credibility. When I see him smiling I don't know if he is genuinly happy or just trying to appear pleasant. When he says he agrees with me, it means nothing because he always seems to agree with everyone. I've come to take his liberal and exaggerated complements of me as insults because in doing this, he ignores what is truly worth praise and I know that anything he does for me is really only for his image.

I'll sum up this book for you:
1. Fake interest in other people's hobbies to get what you want out of them.
2. Pretend to agree with whatever people tell you so you'll be more popular.
3. Only express positive feelings ; do away with sincerity.
4. Make false excuses for your actions that people would be embarrased to turn down, called "Appealing to the Nobler Motives."
5. Talk your way out of what you behave yourself into (as if this was possible).

I witnessed the ineffectiveness of a man who devoted himself to this book; I tried this book myself for a while. My conclusions: It contains nothing more than deceptive, manipulative, superficial techniques that have no use and will lead to the detriment of yourself and your relationships. Instead, I recommend reading the book that made this one obsolete: "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Dr. Stephen R. Covey.

184 of 275 people found this review helpful.
amazon logo Being nice does not always work
TWO SIDES TO THE COIN:
The book says to see things from other people's point of view, and to find out more about them. I tried this, and I did feel closer to people who talked to me about their personal history, but then logically this must go both ways. If you have said nothing about your own interests to the other person, then how can they feel also close to you? If you have said nothing about yourself then, then you are still just a stranger to them.

IT PORTRAYS AN IDEAL WORLD:
In real life, I have never met one person who displays all the characteristics mentioned in the book. In the real world, nobody is capable of dealing with humans perfectly all the time.

The world is full of brash, assertive people who state their opinions, who do not try to be everybody's friend and do not always sugar-coat the truth. (Hint, they're probably your managers ;-) ). Contrary to what this book says, such people usually have plenty of friends and are very influential and respected.

The truth about life, is that you can't avoid unintentionally offending people, as people are affected by so many different things. Some people will never like you, no matter how hard you try. If you doubt this, try sucking up to everyone you meet for the next week, and watch what happens.

LYING TO OTHERS:
There's a bit in the book about a conversation at a party where a quotation from a book was questioned on its authenticity. Rather than simply tell the truth and actually let the facts be known, it is stated that it is better to keep quiet (passive lying) so as not to let the other person be seen to be wrong!! But what will happen when the other person finds out that they were wrong, and that you had the knowledge to give them the correct answer?

Not speaking up about what you know to be the truth is abhorrent, especially on critically important matters. If it offends the other person then that's just the way it has to be. Imagine a doctor not telling a patient he has cancer, because the patient might not like it. Look at what happened with Enron, only when the truth was told were matters finally bought to justice. Hiding other people's critical mistakes is not good, or clever in the long run.

ADVOCATES BEING A DOORMAT:
Carnegie says, be nice to everyone. In reality there are many times when you need to stand up for your rights because being nice will not solve all matters. For example, if you are being bullied at school or at the workplace you have to assert your rights in every way you can. There are many recent cases of people winning compensation for suffering acts of discrimination at the workplace. These are people who went against Carnegies advice, who would not accept abusive treatment, and stood up for themselves, to a positive result.

Many people will blatantly abuse niceness. The truth is, that in the real world of today, too much kindness is taken as a sign of weakness and those who try to win friends and influence people in the way Carnegie recommends, all too often end up used and abused.

Carnegies advice has the potential to turn people into passive "doormats" who think everyone else is always right, and that they themselves are always wrong. The reality is, that to be effective in human interactions, people need to give their own opinions, and state their own truth, even if it offends others. Effective communicators accept that they will never be friends with everyone. People who behave assertively, who speak up for what they believe in, and do not quietly sit back and let other people walk all over them, blatantly rise to the top in most social situations and ironically have many friends and influence many people. Doormats are notoriously ineffective in winning friends and influencing people.

A valuable social skill is asserting yourself. People want to know what you think. They don't want their own words regurgitated and spat back at them by a shallow, sycophantic liar.

Think of all the people you know who are assertive and who speak up for their beliefs and their rights. Such people usually have more than enough friends. Ironically, it is the nice person who wants to be everyone's friend, who never seems to have many. The truth is, that people will not automatically hate you just because you state your own opinions, or because you say something contrary to what they are saying.

CONCLUSION:
There are good things about the book, specifically that people like it when others take time to listen and respect their opinions, but this obviously has to work both ways. This book was probably more useful in the good old days, when it was first published.

If you spend your whole life being nice to people and suppressing your own opinions, even when you know full well at times, that it is unjustified, you will regret it. Life does not work that way. There are many, many circumstances in dealing with people, where niceness is not an option. Speak up for yourself and for what you believe in, even if it has the potential to offend others. Abraham Lincoln did, Martin Luther King did, Jesus Christ did, Michael Moore did, etc. I've personally decided that I'm going to live my life by saying what I believe in, and be myself, and take whatever comes to me. Everyone won't like me, but everyone won't hate me either. The real way to win friends and influence people is to respect others where possible, but more importantly to stand up for what you believe is right, and speak up for it.

146 of 195 people found this review helpful.
amazon logo The first and the best self help program
I have to admit that people skills were never my strongpoint. While I had no problem making friends, my problem was handling problem people and taking a leadership role.

I read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" many times. It made all the difference in human relations and I made the transition to a people person to the point where I can handle anybody and have developed strong leadership skills.

While the book is great, I really enjoy the cd's. Nice 8 pack that helps to reinforce the material while driving around. Great program.

Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was the first and best self help book. In my opinion it is still the best.

153 of 161 people found this review helpful.
amazon logo Great book Mr. Carnegie.
A friend of mine just got me started in a network marketing company. I asked his upline what is the best way to get my business started off quickly. And he said, "people--you need to go out and meet people."

I was ready to quit. Nobody I knew would be a good candidate for a business and meeting new people and approaching them on a business opportunity scared the heck out of me.

He suggested that I read How To Win Friends and Influence People and that this book would teach me what I needed to know to develop the ability to positively influence other people. Cool.

I read the book and it worked. I overcame my fears and created a great downline. Now I am recommending How To Win Friends and Influence People to everyone I know. By the way, I also overcame my fear of public speaking and am conducting both business presentations and trainings for my reps.

The book is great. I highly recommend it.

144 of 156 people found this review helpful.
amazon logo Dear Mr Carnegie...
Dear Mr Carnegie,

I appreciate the considerable time and research you have taken to complete this book (thank-you for making 15 mllion people superficial yes men). Its worldwide success is surely testament to your wisdom, perception and penmanship (according to your book i should be lavish in my praise prior to condemnation).
I may be wrong, in fact i frequently am (however less so than you) but i (you) have some minor (major) reservations (character flaws) about your book (which you have so kindly propagated):

1: KNOW THE LAW OF SINCERITY-- A PERSONS LEVEL OF SINCERITY IS INVERSELY PROPORTIONAL TO THE NUMBER OF TIMES THEY ARE TOLD TO BE SINCERE.

2: IF SOMEONE IS TOLD TO SMILE MORE OFTEN, HOW CAN THEY EVER SMILE AGAIN WITH SINCERITY?

3: WHY DO YOU CONTINUALLY OFFER BAND AID SOLUTIONS TO SOCIAL PROBLEMS THAT MAY GO BEYOND ONES PUBLIC IMAGE INTO THE INNER DEPTHS OF CHARACTER AND PRINCIPLES?

4: WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO MAKE THE WORLD A MORE FALLACIOUS PLACE?

5: WHY NOT COME UP WITH SOME ORIGINAL MATERIAL?
"TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED", "DON'T JUDGE A PERSON UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A MILE IN THEIR MOCCASSINS" HAVE BEEN DONE FAR MORE ELOQUENTLY THAN YOU BY PEOPLE FAR MORE INTELLIGENT THAN YOU.

I rather enjoyed your book (YOUR BOOK STINKED LIKE THE FART OF A THOUSAND HEIFERS)

yours sincerly (and i do mean sincerely)
phlegm213

46 of 111 people found this review helpful.
amazon logo How to Live Your Life.
For those of us who work in psychology, there is often a tendency to look down on works that were created for the mainstream population. They are sometimes dismissed as "pop psychology." I believe that I regarded How to Win Friends... until I read it upon the recommendation of a friend. I could not have been more wrong about a book. Although Carnegie's title is often the target of derision, it is a deceptively deep and important work. There's a very good reason why How to Win Friends... has been a bestseller for seventy years as the man shares essential truths with us about human behavior. Every single one of us can profit from his advice. His central ideas, such as that one should avoid arguments whenever possible, cannot be questioned. The command that one should listen to others and let them talk about themselves is crucial to being liked. A "simple" idea like that one is one that actually works. I'm considering putting his nine rules for effective leadership on my wall so I can remember to generate enthusiasm in others and lead by example.

I was really surprised as to how much this book matters and how much I learned by reading it. Yes, some of the advice may be obvious, but it brings the correct way in which to interact with others to the forefront of the mind and that's why it's so valuable.
95 of 106 people found this review helpful.
amazon logo The # 1 book on human relations
Without a doubt, How To Win Friends and Influence People is the #1 all time best book on human relations. Carnegies ideas worked 70 years ago and they work today. Why? People are the same. We all have the same needs, wants, desires and dreams that we had 70 years ago. The core hasn't changed. So that makes this book even more valuable today, now than ever.

Also, take a look at what is going on in the world. If even there was a time when people needed people skills it is now. Take a look at the Democrat Party. If ever there was a group that needed people skills, it is there.

If I had to pick out just one point that is the most important in this book it is being genuinely interested in the other person. In fact, I think a lot of reviewers here on this board can take a clue from that one.

How To Win Friends and Influence People is a fantastic book---more valuable now than ever.

Buy it - read it - use it.

86 of 100 people found this review helpful.
amazon logo The Fountain of Corporate Speak
I usually dont read or comment on low-brow books such as this, however this book has had such a vile impact on our world that it would be irresponsible for me to do otherwise.

One need only to have listened to the oblique babbling of most corporate managers to realize that this is their Bible.

Admittedly it will help your career. You will learn how to speak out of both sides of your mouth, appear agreeable at all times,
and engage in all manner of corporate BS. Everyone will like you, except for those ne'er-do goods-who abhor pretension and deceit. And, most importantly, you will get that raise! After all, get real, being honest, principled and lucid won't pay the rent and may even get you a pink slip.

If you want to "get ahead" buy this book!

If you are like me and amuse yourself by reading the kind of obfuscate and dissimulating language found in those emails from managers that arrive in your workplace computer, get this book for a good laugh! Dale Carnegie is the St. Paul of American Yuppies.

Thomas

47 of 89 people found this review helpful.

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